I Did It!

Okay, this morning I registered for classes at the college, all signed up and paid for so I guess I HAVE to go now. I start school in 3 weeks. I am really nervous about going back and it's funny to me that the kids are so excited because I can do homework with them now. I just hope I can keep up, I will have 5 classes and my mind is definitely not what it used to be and even before it wasn't all that great. I am also a little worried about the craziness to come, with school, work, the kids and just the regular house stuff to keep up with things are definitely going to be hectic around here for the next few years.

Just Another Day

Friday, July 27, 2007
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)
Hard work at home is good medicine for your soul, even if it seems like others are having more fun than you. Enjoyment is still a step or two away for you. There are things to be done and you know that you're the one who must do them. Examine the feelings that come up while you are being more responsible than you want to be.

well, this horoscope sounds like no fun at all :( Not liking the being responsible part, I have been trying to avoid that at all costs lately.

Anyway, nothing really going on for us today, got to take Ryan to the office to go see Duane's boss, she missed him too and we will stop by mom's church to check out their dollar sale but that's it for me today, guess I should do some stuff at home like my horoscope says too but I don't really want to :(

Today's Horoscope

Okay, I have decided to start watching my horoscope more closely (promise I won't post them every day, just when I think they are interestng :) ) since I have realized more often than not when I do check it that it seems to relate very closely to what is going on in my life at the moment. So here is today's, I can definitely see some truth in there but not completely, guess we'll have to see what secrets the day brings. Never know what i may learn today :)


Thursday, July 26, 2007

Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)

You could be stressing about what to say and what to keep secret. Your fantasies have been more active than usual, but don't tell everyone what's going on behind your gracious smile and charming eyes. There are some things better left unsaid. For now, discretion may really be the better part of valor.

Obsessions

Question - How do you stop wanting something that you want badly but know you can't have? You've had a taste of it, loved it, and are now being told no more. I know that it is in my best interest to stop but it is soooo hard to not want it all the time. Sometimes life sucks.

On that note, I am trying to cut back on my Pepsi intake, the potato chips, ice cream, all the crap I eat on a daily basis. I found out last week that a friend of mine from high school died, no one I have talked to has been able to find out the exact cause of death which is weird, but it has just got me thinking. I don't want to die at 32. I have such a unhealthy life style and I guess it is time to change that. So I start with my food and I figure exercise is next, I better start doing some since I do pretty much do none at all right now.

I am having a hard time though wanting the things I shouldn't have, it has turned into an outright obsession with some things. The more I tell myself I can't have it, the more I want it. My brain knows it is not the right thing to do, to just stay away but I know it's there and I can't help myself. I was doing really good with this last week, but I caved today. How do you do this when what you want it staring you in the face?

HE'S HOME!!!!!

My Baby is back!!! I went and picked up Ryan today. His grandmother met me in Pennsylvania. It was a very long day. 12 hours in the car but I am so happy to have him back. Although it only took about 1 hour for him and Ashlyn to start bickering :( and by the time we finished the 6hr drive home I was ready to throw them both out of the car. It was such a beautiful sight to see his smiling face and it was oh so wonderful to hold him in my arms. I just wonder, if I am this bad after only 5 weeks what in the world I will do when he moves out for good. Oh well, we'll worry about that in a couple of years, right now I am just going to enjoy having my baby home.

Gone Already

well, I was suppossed to get 3 weeks with her not 3 days, but Amanda went home today :( She has been looking for a job all summer and nothing but after only 2 days here she got several call backs for interviews. So she decided to go home and hopefully she will have a job soon. I will see her in August though since I promised her I would be there for her 16th birthday. She is growing up way too fast.

That's pretty much all that's going around here, only 3 more days till I go get Ryan!!!

Quiet Times

Believe it or not the last few days have been quite enjoyable. The chaos of the last few weeks seems to be over and I have been able to relax and enjoy myself.

I'm not sure why but I was really starting to freak out about my life - I was missing Ryan, I was scared about going back to school in August and I was dewlling on the fact that I'm getting older and my life sometimes seems a litte boring plus a few other problems thrown in here and there to make things worse.Anyway, I have decided it is time to live a little more instead of watching life pass me by and stop worrying so much about things that are out of my control. Luckily I think Duane is starting to understand, he even took me out Saturday night and we had a great time.

Friday, July 13th, also brought about a whole new revelation about myself and at the same time gave me the insight that I think I really needed to be able to let go of some things and move on. I think I was starting to have a small mid-life crisis and a good friend gave me what I needed to move forward and he helped me realize what I already had all along. I don't know if I could ever thank him enough. It was definitely my lucky day :)

So now I await the return of Ryan with childlike excitement, the start of school with eager anticipation and the rest of my life with the knowledge that I am where I want to be and exactly where I belong.

One More Week!!

Ryan is coming home on Monday July 23rd!! You cannot imagine how excited I am.

Other than that, yesterday I drove to Virginia to drop of Melissa & Ally and their older sister Amanda had come with their mom to pick them up and some how I ended up bringing her with home with me. She literally came with just the clothes on her back since this wasn't planned so that meant a shopping trip last night. I am glad to have her though, she is almost 16 and that means in a few years she will be grown and this is probably the last summer she will come see me. She is my 1st little girl, I was only 16 when she was born and spent almost every day of the 1st 2yrs of her life with her, she is as much my little girl as my own are. So I am grateful that I will get to have her for the next 3 weeks.

Stop the Insanity

okay, just need to vent a little. I am at work right now and they opened the bar back up this week and tonight I have been subjected to some very bad kareoke for the past 2 hours and it is getting worse as the customers get drunker. I don't think 2am will come fast enough.

Other than that, I had a pretty good day today. Didn't really do anything but hang out with the girls and take the cats to the vet. But just doing nothing and relaxing helped me feel alot better today. Also, I talked to Ryan this afternoon and we are now making plans to bring him home!!!! I still have to wait at least another week or 2 but I am still excited just to know that we are working on it. I could never have imagined I would miss him this much. I cannot wait to get my arms around him.

I Need A Break

Today is just one of those days when I just want to hide. It was supposed to be a good day, I had planned to do something that I have really wanted to do for a long time this morning, but then I didn't feel good this morning and woke up late and that was the end of that. My mom did take all the girls for a little while so that was nice but I just really need a break from all the stress in my life. A day where I can just be alone and not have to deal with anyone but myself. My brain is on overload and I just don't even know how much more I can handle. Although 1 problem did manage to solve itself today and that was a huge relief and hopefully that will help me relax and stop worrying and that will take down a few others with it. I am really ready for summer to be over, for school to start and life get back into its normal rhythm. I don't like chaos, I just have a hard time coping.

and this horoscope thing is really starting to freak me out. I never really followed them until recently and it is so weird how accurate they are to my life.

here's today's:

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)

It can be too intense for you today if you get into a serious disagreement with anyone. You are on edge now and can get annoyed by things that you'd normally just let pass. But you can get yourself hooked and before you know it find yourself fighting for survival like a fish on the line. Remember, the more you struggle, the harder it will be to get free.

He Won't Come Home

well, it has been 3 weeks today since we dropped Ryan off with his Grandparents and he still doesn't want to come home. In fact he hasn't even called since Thursday. He is having such a great time and I know this is a wonderful experience for him but it is slowly breaking my heart. I miss him more than I could have imagined and I want him back.

But in the meantime to keep my mind off him I brought in replacements. I went on Friday to pick up 2 of my sisters girls, Melissa (14) and Ally (5)to come and spend the week with us. Ashlyn is in heaven with Ally here, they are "bestest, bestest, bestest friends" She seems to have totally forgotten that she is missing Ryan which is good because she was driving me crazy last week whining about him.

creepy

sometimes I think it is creepy how close horoscopes relate to my life and just really make sense. When I read the one for today, it just couldn't be more right for how I'm feeling these days.

my horoscope for today:

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)

You don't like emotional uncertainty, although you don't mind your own ambivalence. You just don't like it when it comes from someone else. You may be feeling a bit miffed now because you cannot get a handle on what is going on. Don't stress about what to do; instead focus on how you feel. Stay connected with your heart, no matter what comes into awareness.